Inconceivable
by svugal89
Summary: Olivia's journey to motherhood. My take on what could have happened post Inconceivable.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I have had this story floating around in my brain for a while. Inconceivable is one of my favorite episodes and holds special meaning for me. This story starts our set during the episode of Inconceivable. I will have lines from the episode in italics. It will not follow along with anything else from the show. For the purpose of this story Elliot and Kathy got divorced during their separation and Eli was never born. Anyways, on with the story.

Olivia's POV:

Me and Elliot just got through interviewing a couple who were linked to some of the missing embryo's that were stolen from the cryobank. This case has started to get to me and I think Elliot can tell. I get into the car, sigh and lean my head against the window. I am annoyed with the couple we just interviewed but I am more annoyed with myself and how I let my life get to this point.

" _You know you would make a great mom." Elliot says after finally getting in the car_

" _Oh, my, god, I'm not having this conversation." I say exasperatingly, I really want him to drop this discussion._

" _You're great with kids."I hear him continue._

I just keep staring out the window hoping the silent treatment will work. It seems it doesn't work on Elliot though, he always has been stubborn.

" _Look, maybe you should start thinking about having kids and any way you want to do it I will support you." Elliot says sincerely_

He doesn't realize how much that statement means to me, at this point in time. My eyes start to tear up, but I will them away. I will not cry in front of Elliot, my partner and best friend, so I do the only thing I know how to do.

" _El, do me a favor. Just shut up and drive." I say closing myself off._

I hear him sigh heavily before starting the car. I know he is annoyed that i won't open up right away. I am just not ready to talk about this right now.

A couple hours later I meet up with Eva Sintzel at a diner, to update her on our progress. She too had embryo's in the cryotank that was stolen. She has been very distraught seeing as how this was her last chance to have kids.

" _Do you have kids?" Eva asks_

" _Uh, No." I reply quietly looking anywhere but at her._

" _Don't you want them?" Eva asks while trying to gauge if we are anything alike._

" _I...Yes, I do. Very much." I say looking at her now._

" _Then what are you waiting for?" Eva retorts sternly_

I just sit there for a few minutes staring at her. I see myself in her. I have always wanted kids, but I kept putting it off. I always thought I would have been married and settled down by now, but who am I kidding the man I want to be with doesn't see me that way. I hear my biological clock ticking louder than ever now. It's telling me I need to figure out what I want to to before it is absolutely too late. I finally force myself to say goodbye to Eva. I need to be alone with my thoughts for awhile.

I took a week off after we closed the case. It really hit me hard that we didn't find the embryo's in time. The night we closed the case I went straight home, fell into bed and cried for hours. Elliot tried to call me a couple of time, but I just let it go to voicemail.

It's day three of my week off and I am nervous about tonight. I have Invited Elliot over for dinner. I need to talk to someone about my decision, regarding kids, so why not talk to my best friend. I am usually not nervous around Elliot, but then again we don't usually talk about personal problems either. That seems to be changing between us though.

I have just finished getting ready. I threw on a pair of dark blue jeans and a short sleeved yellow t-shirt. I have on very little makeup, just a little eye liner, mascara and lip gloss. I wanted to keep things casual. I am pulling my hair into a ponytail as I walk back towards the living room I hear him knock on the door.

"Come in." I yell, knowing it's Elliot

Elliot walks in carrying the chinese food I asked him to bring. I admit I am not much of a cook. He looks good in his blue jeans, that I rarely see him in anymore, and his blue polo shirt. He also has a couple days worth of stubble, which I like on him as well. I grab some plates to divide up the food while Elliot pours the wine. We take the food into the living room and sit one on each end of the couch.

"I have been worried about you, Liv. I knew the case was hard on you. I was so glad when you called and asked me to come over." Elliot states between bites

"I am sorry I worried you. I have had a lot of stuff to work through the last couple of days and just need some alone time." I say

"Do you want to talk about it?" Elliot asks after a couple minutes of silence

I put my near empty plate on the coffee table. I wipe my now sweaty palms on my jean clad thighs.

"I actually did want to talk to you about something. Do you remember the other day when you told me to start thinking about kids?" I ask nervously

"Yeah, I meant what I said. I will support you no matter what." Elliot says

" _El, a few months ago, I looked into adoption." I say looking away because I cannot look at him and says this._

I stand up and start to pace after a few minutes of silence.

" _Unfortunately, they turned me down. I am single, with no extended support system. I work all hours. They didn't see me as prim parent material."_ I say as I stand looking out the window from my living room.

The tension in the room is palpable, I could feel his presence behind me.

" _They're wrong."_ He says before pulling me into a hug.

I relax into the hug and revel in the way his body feels against mine.

"I'm really sorry. I know how much you want kids." I hear him whisper into my hair.

I pull away, not just because I need to continue with the conversation but because I am afraid if I stay in his arms much longer then I might do something regrettable.

"I found another option." I say returning to the couch.

"Really? That's Great! What is this other option?" He asks me as he joins me

Before I can respond he pulls my feet into his lap and starts to massage my feet. Normally we would not be like this, normally I wouldn't allow him to do this, but this whole night is not normal. I know he's just trying to help me relax but it's not helping with my concentration.

"I'm going to start fertility treatments." I say regaining my composure

That got his attention cause he suddenly stops. He looks at me with a look of confusion.

"How, will you do that? I mean you're not seeing anyone are you?" Elliot says with confusion written all over his face.

I pull my feet from his lap and scoot closer to him. I am now sitting sideways facing him with our legs touching.

"El, I am definitely not seeing anyone. I am going to use a donor." I say looking down at my hand on his thigh.

I pause because I am very nervous about the reaction I might get, with what I am about to ask of him. I have never asked Elliot for any kind of personal favor, so this is new territory.

"El, I want you to help me choose a donor. You know since you're my best friend and all." I say quickly before I can change my mind.

He doesn't say anything. I look at him. He looks like he is lost deep in thought.

"I mean, you don't have to. I know I am asking a lot." I say standing up. I need some space.

He grabs my arm and pulls me back down before I can walk away.

"Liv, I want to help you, but not like that." He says tenderly

"I want to be your donor." I hear him say gently as he lifts my face to look at his.

A/N: What will Olivia's reaction be? Please read and review, let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions.


	2. Chapter 2

I sit there staring at him for the longest. I am in utter shock at his blunt offer. I never expected anything more from him the moral support. I start to tear up just thinking about what the man, I have always loved, just offered me. Does he know how much it means to me? Does he know what it does to me when he says things like that? I don't think he does because he doesn't see me that way. I blink away the tears as I regain my train of thought.

"El...thank you for the offer, but I honestly couldn't ask that of you. Do you know what you're saying. I mean you have four kids already, do you really want to bring another Stabler into the world?" I say quietly

"You didn't ask, I offered. I want to do this for you, Liv. I know exactly what I am talking about. I know what it would mean to father your child. As for bringing another Stabler into the world, at least you would know what genes you're getting from the donor." Elliot says tenderly

His statement takes me back to the time, years ago when we talked about genetics. I made the comment about my genes being drunk and abusive. Elliot responded with "Look how great you turned out." He knows I've always put a lot of emphasis on genetics, so knowing what would be passed onto my child is important to me.

There are so many things that could go wrong with this scenario, though. Since we are are not together as a couple, what would the custody arrangements be? I know for a fact Elliot would want rights to any child he fathered. How would this affect our working relationship? I love him too much to lose any type of relationship with him. I don't think I could survive losing him from my life. I feel much safer with Elliot around, I can't risk him not being my partner or best friend.

"I know you want to do this for me, and I really appreciate it, but I think the best decision, for me and my future child, is to stick with an anonymous donor. I would still like to have you by my side through this entire journey." I am trying to let him down easy.

He looks like I just punched him in the gut. A look of sadness/disappointment takes over his face, or maybe that's just what I think I see. I mean why would he be disappointed, we're not a couple, he doesn't even think of me as anything more than his friend or partner. I am ready for him to put up an argument though, cause he has always been stubborn.

"Sure, anything you want. I will help you through everything." He agrees, surprising me.

"Thank You." I say as I start to pick up the dirty dishes.

"So, when do we choose a donor?" I hear him ask as he joins me in the kitchen.

"I still have a couple of weeks until my next cycle, so we will need to pick one sometime within the next week." I say while starting to wash the dishes.

He nods, a silent ok, then helps me by drying the dishes.

"Do you want to stay and watch a movie?" I ask, not ready for him to go yet.

"Sure, I would love too." He sounds a little excited

I open the fridge to grab two beers, while he goes to check out my movie selection. I join him in the living room a few minutes later.

"See anything you want to watch." I ask curiously.

"Do you want to watch a romance, comedy or horror movie?" he asks in return.

"Doesn't matter. You choose." I say giving him free reign.

"How about...Titanic?" He says holding up the dvd

"That's fine, but I never would have pegged you for a romantic movie type." I say with a smirk.

"Well, Liv, obviously there are still things you don't know about me." He says feigning hurt.

He puts the dvd in and grabs the remote, before joining me on the couch. I hand him his beer. He watches me curiously as I try to get comfortable on my end of the couch. After his earlier foot massage I am trying to keep my feet away from him.

"Are you going to start the movie?" I ask snarkily

"Depends." He says flashing his stabler grin as he throws his arm over the back of the couch.

"Depends on what?" I ask watching him prop his feet on the coffee table.

"On you. You know I don't bite. You can scoot closer to me, if you want that way you can stretch your legs out too." He says motioning to the empty space next to him.

Again, am I imagining things? We don't normally touch. We try to keep a safe distance between us at all times. I think to myself *It's just a movie, Olivia, you're just watching a movie with your best friend.* I scoot over his way some but still leave a space between us. I stretch my legs out beside me, towards the spot that I just vacated. He seems to be ok with the new arrangement because he starts the movie.

Halfway through the movie, I start to feel chilled, so I pull the blanket off the back of the couch and wrap it around myself. I keep adjusting myself, trying to get comfortable again. Elliot notices and before I can move again, he pulls me so that my body is angled against his. He uses the arm, from behind my head, to push my head onto his shoulder. I am a little shocked at the movement at first, but then I relax into his body. It feels like this is where I am supposed to be. It feels like home.

I wake up a couple hours later to a blank screen on the tv, indicating the movie is over. It takes me a minute to figure out my surroundings. I can hear gentle snoring and I can feel a warm body next to mine. I remember now, I am curled up against Elliot's body. I can feel his arm wrapped around my waist. I don't remember that being there when we were watching the movie. His smell is intoxicating. I gently move my head to look at his face. I want to kiss him so bad in this moment. I shake myself out of it, before I let things go too far. I disentangle myself from him and gently cover him with the blanket.

"Goodnight, El." I whisper before heading down the hall to my bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter was difficult for me to write and I hope it all flows better than I think it did. Please let me know what you think. Anyways on with the story.

A week has passed and we have been so busy with work that we barely have had time for sleep, let alone time to further discuss my donor. Tonight though we have closed our case.

"Benson, Stabler! Get you asses out of here. Your paperwork can be finished tomorrow." Cragen tells us from his office doorway.

He doesn't have to tell us twice. We grab our belongings and head for the elevator. Once we're outside I turn to walk towards my apartment.

"Wait, Liv." Elliot says grabbing my arm to stop me.

I look up at him without saying anything. I am trying to decipher the look in his eyes. He almost looks nervous.

"Do you want to come over for dinner? We could look at donor profiles as well." Elliot says starting to ramble on.

"Of course, I will come over. You're cooking though right?" I say with a chuckle

"How does lasagna sound?" He asks

"Like heaven." I reply as we head towards the sedan.

We ride to Elliot's apartment in comfortable silence.

Elliot's POV:

I park the car in front of my apartment building. We both get out and make our way to the entry door. We take the stairs because there is no elevator in my building. I am only on the second floor though. When we reach my apartment, I open the door and let her go in first.

I love watching Olivia do anything, but right now I am enjoying watching her make herself at home in my apartment. She kicks off her boots at the door and walks straight to the fridge.

"You want a beer?" She asks, looking at e over the fridge door.

"Yeah...Sure." I awkwardly reply

She brings one over to me and that's when I realize that I am still standing in the doorway. I was so mesmerized by her that I have failed to move since letting her in. I take a drink of my beer while I close the door and toe off my shoes. I know they are just shoes but something feels so right, seeing her shoes lying next to mine.

"Do you need my help with dinner?" Her voice breaks into my thoughts.

"No, you just relax. I have dinner under control." I say while entering the kitchen

I rummage through the fridge to find the ingredients I need for the lasagna. When I start setting the items on the counter, I notice se has taken a seat at the bar. I catch her watching me while sipping her beer. She looks away quickly, when she realizes she's been caught.

"You can use my computer if you want." I say nodding my head towards where my laptop is lying, at the other end of the bar.

I can hear her clicking away as I start on dinner.

"Do you know what you're looking for in a donor?" I ask trying to make small talk.

"Well, I would like to find someone that doesn't have a lot of health problems in their background, although I know I am not going to find someone with a clean health history." She says while studying the web page she is on.

I smile to myself while listening to her talk about what she wants. She seems to have really thought this through. I mean, I would have never thought about the medical history. I can picture a brown haired/ brown eyed mini-Liv running around. I can see Olivia curled up with her baby boy, reading him a bedtime story. I also see us as a family, doing normal family things. I want to tell Olivia how I feel but I don't want to ruin our friendship by professing feelings that she doesn't reciprocate.

"Earth to El." Liv's voice snaps me back to reality.

"Hmmm...Did you say something?" I ask turning to look at her.

She just shakes her head and laughs. God, I love her laugh. She doesn't laugh very often, so when she does I cherish it.

"I said...I think I found a good one, do you want to check it out?" She repeats herself

"Yeah, just let me put this in the oven." I say while putting the lasagna in.

I walk around behind her and lean in to look at what she is showing me. We are looking at a donor profile. He is six foot tall with curly brown hair. The only thing in his family medical history is a couple of cases of heart disease. He actually seems like a pretty good candidate, but he's not me though.

"He looks good, Liv, but you do realize that he has blue eyes?" I question

"Maybe I want a blue-eyed child." She says smiling up at me.

Her statement hits me square in the chest and her smile knocks the breath out of me. Was she trying to tell me something? The longer I look at her the more I want to kiss her. I finally force myself to look away.

"If that's what you want." I say once I regain my breath.

I walk back around into the kitchen. I feel something start to bubble up inside of me. The ugly green jealousy monster wants to rear its head. I can't let it though If I want to be a part of this journey with Olivia. I need to put my issues aside.

"You should go with him." I say while checking on the food.

"You really think so?" I can hear the excitement in her voice and it's so cute.

"Yeah, I really think he is a good choice." I say

"Then that's settled." She says writing down all the info she needs.

"So what happens next?" I ask, her excitement catching on.

"I will call and order the donor sperm, which is then shipped to be stored at my doctor's office until I am ready to use it. Once I have a period we will track my ovulation and go from there." Olivia rattles off the information.

I pull the lasagna out of the oven, before taking some plates out of the cabinet. I plate us each up some lasagna, then slide both plates across the bar. I join her on the other side of the bar. We enjoy our conversation while eating. We talk about how my kids are doing and how things are going between her and simon. When we are done, I gather up our dishes to wash. As I am washing the plates, I notice she is putting her shoes on.

"What are you doing?" I ask, not ready for her to leave.

"It's late, El, I really must be going." She says heading for the door.

"I will drive you home." I say grabbing my keys

"Elliot, I can make it home by myself. I am a big girl." Olivia stubbornly says

"Liv, please just let me do this." I plead with her

"Okay." she say with a laugh.

The ride to Liv's was silent. I park in front of her building and unlock the doors. She removes her seatbelt,but before she can open the door. I grab her hand to stop her. I intertwine our fingers together as we both look at our hands, It's like an electric current has just ran through my body.

"Liv, I just wanted to thank you for letting me be a part of this journey with you." I say as we look at each other.

She doesn't say anything. She just stares at me, but I can see it in her eyes that she wouldn't want to do this journey any other way. She looks away like she is battling with something, I lean in slowly and my lips meet the side of her forehead in tender kiss.

"Thanks for dinner, El. I will see you at work tomorrow." she says before opening her door.

"You know the drill. Flash your lights when you get inside." I say trying to diffuse the tension that has grown.

"You stubborn son of a bitch." she says laughing.

She knows I will sit there until she does. I wait for her light to flash as she enters her apartment. I can now go home knowing she is safe inside. While on my way home, I received a text message.

"Let me know you made it home safe." Was all it said


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to get this update out to you guys. My life has been a little crazy the last month, but it is now starting to settle down a bit. I want to give a special shout out to SoCalCanadian for all the help and motivation she gives me.

Olivia's POV:

A week later and I have finally started a cycle. My doctor has put me on a medication to try to up my chance of conceiving. I am supposed to take the medicine for five days and this is day three.

I am currently sitting at my desk working on typing up a DD5 from a case we just finished. The case was about a six year old who was abducted and molested. Usually I can hold my emotions in check, but today I am having a difficult time. I think the team is starting to notice. I have been to the bathroom at least a half dozen times to calm myself down today, and it is only 2 pm.

I feel the tears begin to form again, so I head for the bathroom once more, as I will not cry in front of the squad. They don't need to see me as weak. I lock myself in a stall, lean back against the door and let my tears flow freely. I cry for what seems like forever, but it has really only been about ten minutes. Once I finish, I wash my face to the best of my ability. My eyes are still red-rimmed and everyone will be able to tell I have been crying. As I walk out of the bathroom I nearly run into Elliot.

"Everything ok?" He asks blocking my way.

"Yeah, everything is just peachy." I snap as I try to move around him.

"You're obviously not fine, Liv." He says sharply as he grabs my arm.

"Let me go. I'm not in the mood for this." I say finally wrenching my arm free and pushing past him.

I print my DD5, which I finished just before my bathroom break, and make my way to the captain's office.

"Olivia…" Captain Cragen says as I enter his office.

"I think I need a couple of days." I say handing him my paperwork.

"I don't see a problem with that, but do you want tell me why you need time off." Cragen says walking around his desk.

"I don't want to get into the details just yet, but I'm going through some personal stuff." I say looking anywhere but at him.

"Olivia, you know I think of you has a daughter. So anytime you need to talk, I am here." He says.

I have always kind of known that he feels this way, but he has never expressed his feelings. With my heightened emotional state today, I can't handle this. I have to get out of here before I breakdown again.

"I know." I whisper as I turn to leave

"Take as much time as you need." I hear him say as I leave his office.

I walk to my desk and start to gather my things. I can feel everyone watching me.

"What are you doing?" I hear Elliot finally ask

"What does it look like I am doing? I am going home." I sarcastically reply as I grab my bag.

I walk off but not before seeing the look of hurt on Elliot's face. I am not quite sure why I am having the major mood swings, but I am tired of them already. My brain is exhausted from all the back and forth. I am hoping a nap, when I get home, will do me some good.

I make it home and drop my key's and bag on the side table next to my door. I make my way to my bedroom and place my gun and badge on my dresser. I change into some pajama shorts and a tank top before heading to the bathroom to remove my makeup.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

I wake up a couple hours later to a dozen text messages form Elliot. Instantly feel guilty for the way I have treated him today.

*Come over in an hour and bring pizza.* I quickly text back

I think about changing clothes but then again it's just Elliot and he has seen me at my worst. I do brush my teeth and hair before heading to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee.

Exactly an hour later there is a knock on my door. I know exactly who it is, so I don't even have to look or ask who it is. I open the door and he walks right past me and into my kitchen. I watch him make himself at home as he drops the pizza box on the counter and opens a beer.

"I can't drink." I say glancing at the beer in his hand.

"I know, but I am going to need one to make it through tonight." He sarcastically replies with a shit eating grin on his face.

As if I wasn't already feeling guilty enough, now I feel worse.

"I am sorry about earlier." I say looking at the floor

"It's okay, Liv. Whatever is going on just talk to me about it." He replies

"Honestly, I have no idea what's going on. I did some research on the medicine she put me on, which says it could cause mood swings. I just never imagined they would be this bad." I say making my way to the couch.

He follows me with the pizza, placing it on the coffee table before joining me on the couch. We both grab a piece and instantly chow down.

"With Kathy…"He starts

"STOP! Don't compare me to Kathy." I interrupt him as I throw my crust back into the box.

"You're right. I shouldn't have. I am sorry. Your situation is totally different." I hear him apologize

I can feel tears pricking the back of my eyes and a lump forming in my throat. I instantly feel guilty for snapping at him, since he was only trying to help.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't keep being such a bitch to you." I say starting to cry

"You have been nothing but good to me these last few weeks and this is how I repay you." I am full on sobbing now.

Before I know what is happening, I feel his arms wrap around me. He pulls me into him. My face is buried in his neck and I can feel my tears seeping through his shirt.

"Shh…Shh…it is okay, you don't have to apologize. I am not going anywhere. I told you I would support you through this and I meant it. I am here for the entire journey." He says soothingly as he rubs my back.

"But you didn't sign up to deal with crazy Olivia." I say slightly pulling back from him.

He doesn't say anything. He tenderly brushes some hair out of my face. He runs his thumbs over my cheeks, wiping away a few stray tears, as he cups my face. As I stare into his steel blue eyes, he leans forward and presses his lips to mine in the tenderest of kisses.

AN: What do you guys think will/should happen next? I enjoy hearing from you guys, it keeps me motivated.


	5. Chapter 5

AN-I just wanted to give you all a little background info on fertility treatments. I am currently going through these treatments, so I have done the research. You usually take fertility meds on days 3- 7 of your cycle. Normally you can ovulate anywhere from days 11 to 16 of your cycle. I am trying to stick to this timeline to make this story realistic. I apologize if it seems like it is moving slow. Also heed the MATURE warning before reading this chapter. This is my first try at writing smut. I hope you guys like it. I also want to give a shout out to Miss_Lana_Banana for motivating me to get the chapter out faster.

Elliot's POV:

I am not sure what possessed me to kiss her all of a sudden. Maybe it was the way she looked so innocent and broken. Maybe it was the was she is just so naturally beautiful. She doesn't have to do her hair or makeup and she still looks gorgeous. Who am I kidding though? The real reason I kissed her is because I am so undeniably in love with this woman. Hell, I have been for a long time and I have just been too scared to admit it.

I prepare myself to feel her body stiffen and pull away. I prepare to be screamed at and possibly slapped. The thing I didn't prepare for though was the feeling of her lips pressing back against mine. I feel her hands running through my closely cropped hair. She is kissing me more forcefully now. I was definitely not prepared for this. My mind shuts down and my body takes over. I tangle my hand in her hair and pull her closer. I tease her bottom lip with my tongue, begging for entrance. As our tongues duel for control, I feel her moan into my mouth and it reverberates through my whole body. I feel her weight shift as she slides a leg across my lap. I moan as she comes into contact with my aroused member, which I am sure she can feel. She is nibbling at the pulse point on my neck and it's driving me crazy. I run my hands down her sides and rest them on her hips as she places kisses up the side of my neck. I unconsciously grind into her as she bites down on my earlobe.

"Fuck me, El." She says breathily into my ear

As soon as those words register in my brain, I stop her in her tracks. My brain snaps back into gear and I know that this is not the way this should happen. I take her hands in mine and place them between us. I look into her eyes and this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.

"Liv, we can't do this." I regrettingly say

She stares at me for a moment and then I see it. Hurt, anger, insecurity, they all flash across her face. I see tears shining in her eyes. I reach up to wipe them away as they start to fall, but she slaps my hands away.

"I'm sorry. I should have known better. I should have known you really didn't want to be with me." She says abruptly standing up.

"Liv, that's not it at all." I say trying to pull her back to me.

"No, I understand, Elliot. You know where the door is, so you can see yourself out." She says as she storms off to her room.

I throw my head back against the couch and run my hand over my face. This was not going well. I have already set things in motion and I cannot run scared now. I have to get through to her somehow. I am not leaving here until I have laid everything on the table and she knows exactly how I feel. After a few minutes, I finally get up and make my way down the hall to Olivia's bedroom. I stand at the door for a few seconds to see if I can hear anything. I hear the muffled sound of crying. I knock on the door, but get no answer. I stand there for a few more seconds trying to work up the nerve to go in. I open the door to see her sitting on the edge of her bed, face in her hands, crying.

"What are you doing in here? Incase you didn't understand, I asked you to leave." She stated angrily through her tears.

"I already told you, I am not going anywhere. Olivia, we should talk." I say walking closer to the bed.

"What's there to talk about? You kissed me and then changed your mind. I think that says plenty." She says swiping at her tears.

I can hear the hurt in her voice. I kneel down in front of her so that she will look at me.

"Olivia, I didn't change my mind about anything. God, I wanted you so bad out there but right now is not the time to be taking that step in our relationship. I would never have forgiven myself for taking advantage of you tonight. You deserve better than that." I say holding her hands in mine.

"Elliot, what do you mean our relationship? You're talking about us like you want us to be more than partners." She questions

"Liv, you can't tell me that you would have just wanted sex, with no strings attached tonight. I can feel what's between us and I know you can too. There is this pull between us and it has always been there. In the beginning, I was married and couldn't express my feelings for you and then once I got divorced I was scared shitless to tell you how I felt because I didn't think you would feel the same way. By God, I am going to tell you now thought because I can't let another minute go by without telling you, Olivia Benson, I love you. I have loved you for so long and I want a relationship with you." I say with a sigh of relief afterwards

After a few minutes of silence, she stands up and walks across the room. I can tell she is trying to process all the information I just told her. Her back is facing me and I know see just how good her ass looks in the shorts the has on. My gaze continues down her long, tan legs to her perfectly manicured toes. God, this woman will be the death of me.

"El, I do have feelings for you too and have had them for awhile, but I can't just think about me anymore. I have to think about the beautiful baby I want to bring into this world."

"I want to be the one to give you that. I want to watch you become a mother to my child." I say pulling her too me.

"You already have five kids, I wouldn't think you would want more." She replies with more tears in her eyes.

"I would give you the world if it would make you happy. As for kids, I will take as many as God blesses me with. I can't wait to bring home a baby girl, that looks just as beautiful as you." I say leaning my forehead against hers.

"Elliot Stabler, you are too good to me. I don't know what I did to deserve you. I love you." I hear her say before she presses her lips against mine.

We stand there making out for a few minutes before I finally pull back, air had become a necessity. I can tell she is tired and emotionally drained.

"Why don't you go take a nice, hot, relaxing bath, while I go clean up the food from tonight." I say pushing her towards the ensuite bathroom.

"Why don't you leave the food and come join me." She says flirtatiously with a smirk on her face.

"Liv, you have had a long, emotionally challenging day. I am not going to take advantage of that. Now, go take your bath and I will be here when you get done." I say before leaving the room.

I find that I can't quit smiling as I clean up our mess from the living room. I am actually in a relationship with Olivia Benson. Hell, I kissed her and she kissed me back. I make a mental note that I actually need to take her on a proper date. I head back to the bedroom, the bathroom door is still shut, so she must not be done yet. I turn down the bed covers, on the side I imagine she would sleep on, so that it will be ready for her when she comes out of the bathroom. She emerges from the bathroom wearing a fuzzy white robe, her hair is wet and has a bit of a curl to it. I want to just run my fingers through it.

"I'm going to borrow the bathroom while you change." I say respectfully, heading for the bathroom.

As I enter the bathroom I immediately smell her vanilla lavender body wash. The smell that is so uniquely Olivia turns me on more than anyone would ever believe. I have to get myself under control before I can go back out there. I splash some cold water on my face and take a few deep breaths before returning to the room.

She is sitting on the edge of the bed in those damn shorty shorts and tank top again. She is also rubbing lotion on her legs, those long tan legs.

"Do you like what you see?" She smiles up at me.

"Very much." I say watching her with the lotion.

Once she finishes, she leans back against her pillows. I grab the sheets and blanket, that I have pulled down, and pull them over her. I lean in and tenderly kiss her.

"Goodnight, my Livvie love." I say before walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" she asks shooting up in the bed.

"I figured I would sleep on the couch tonight." I say turning to face her.

"El, we're talking about having a baby together. I think we can sleep in the same bed." She pulls the rest of the covers back.

"You're right, I would love nothing more than to hold you in my arms all night." I say

"And there is nowhere else I would rather be. Now strip." She says waiting for me to remove my clothes.

I strip out of my t-shirt and jeans, leaving me in only my boxer briefs. I can see Olivia eyeing me as my jeans hit the floor. I laugh as I get into the bed.

"See something you like?" I smirk

"Very much." She uses my response as she scoots closer to me.

I rest my arm behind her as she lays her head on my chest. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her closer. I place a tender kiss on her head before we almost immediately fall asleep.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

A couple of days later I return to Liv's apartment. We haven't seen each other in nearly two days, due to a case i caught. It is now Friday afternoon and although I am dead on my feet, I have planned a surprise for Olivia. As I use my emergency key to get into the apartment, I see her lounged in a chair on the balcony. Her back is facing me, so I quietly close the door as to not make my presence known. I walk out onto the balcony, place my hands on the back of her chair and lean in to kiss her cheek. However, I get her lips and not her cheek when she turns to look up at me. Apparently my surprise element was lost to her senses.

"How about we get away, this weekend?" I say taking the seat next to her.

"We can't do that, you have to work." She blatantly replies

"Cragen, gave me the weekend off and I know you're not returning to work till monday. So, yeah we can go away. I actually already have all the arrangements made." I say pulling her into my lap.

"Why, detective Stabler, I didn't know you could be so sneaky." She playfully laughs

"When it comes to you, I can be anything." I say pulling her in for a kiss.

An hour later we are in her bedroom and I am stretched out on her bed watching her try to figure out what she wants to pack.

"El, just tell me where we're going, so that I know what to pack." She whines

"It's a surprise. Although, I am hoping to not need very many clothes." I say mischievously

"Oh, I see what your intentions are now." she says putting some extra sway in her walk to the closet.

She throws a mixture of clothes into her suitcase before looking at me with a confused look.

"What is it?" I ask sitting up

"It's just that, I need to pack some undergarments. I know I probably sound like a prude, but could you atleast close your eyes for a few minutes?" She says softly

"Liv, I would never think that of you. Of course I will close my eyes, I would much rather see what they look like on you anyways." I say trying to lighten the mood

Olivia blushes, then laughs a full uncontrolled laugh. I close my eyes, so that she can gather the things she needs.

"I can't believe, we are actually doing this." She says sitting next to me.

"Can't believe we're doing what?" I question

"This (waves her hand between us)... I can't believe we're actually together and not just as partners. I can't believe we're doing normal couple things. I really can't believe that we're going to spend a weekend away together and it doesn't have anything to do with work." She says

"I know, I never thought I would see the day that I would actually confess my feelings for you. I waited so long, almost too long. Now, I have to make up for lost time." I say taking her hand and intertwining our fingers.

"I am glad you jumped first and told me how you felt because honestly I never would have taken that leap. It's not just you that has to make up for lost time. I have the man of my dreams sitting next to me now and we're about to start an amazing journey together." She says, her voice thick with emotion.

"And I have the woman of my dreams. There is nowhere else I would rather be." I say as I lean in and tenderly kiss her forehead.

We sit like this for a few minutes, just taking it all in. It has been a long road to get to this point, but I am so glad we're here. There are other things that need to be discussed but at this moment they are not important. They can wait until we get back to the real world.

"Liv, I would love to sit and hold you forever, but we do need to get going. I still need to stop by my place a grab a few things." I say getting up.

I grab her suitcase off the bed and she grabs her gun and badge from her dresser before we leave out. She slides on her tennis shoes before following me out the door. She locks and we are on our way.

It doesn't take me long at my place. I got a quick shower, to freshen up. I threw some clothes into a duffle bag. I return my gun back to my hip, before leaving my room. I meet Liv in the living room.

"Ready to go?" I ask as I enter the living room

"Yeah, I was just looking at the pictures of the kids." she says, moving away from the mantel where my pictures are.

"We will have to have them over once we get back and things settle down." I say

"I don't know El, what if they don't want us to be together. I don't want to be in the middle of you guys." She says solemnly

"Liv, it doesn't matter what they think. Besides they all adore you. Maureen and Kathleen are in college doing their own thing and Dickie and Elizabeth are too stuck up with their friends, that they don't care about anything else. You will see, Liv, it will all be fine." I say hugging her.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

We finally reach our destination, shortly after dark. I pull into the driveway of a beach cottage, off of long island. Olivia is glued to the window like a little kid.

"El, I haven't been to the beach in a long time. Like, since college to be exact." She says excitedly.

"I used to bring the kids out here when they were younger. I have always loved how peaceful it is out here." I say as I park the car.

"How, did you afford this place? You didn't have to do all this you know?" She asks, getting out and looking at the house.

"One of my marine buddies owns it. He let's me borrow it from time to time. I wanted to do something special for you. I know you have been going through a lot lately and I wanted us to be able to relax together." I say pulling our bags out of the car.

"Anywhere we're together I can relax." She says sweetly.

After we get our things in the house, she proceeds to take a good look at the entire place. I meet her in the kitchen, with a blanket and lantern in my hands.

"What's that for?" She asks, pointing to the things in my arms.

"I figured, since it was such a nice night outside, that we could sit out on the beach for awhile." I say as I push open the back door.

She kicks off her shoes and follows me outside. We walk about midway to the water before I stop and spread the blanket out. I turn on the lantern, which gives off soft glow, and place it beside the blanket. I settle myself on the blanket, then motion for her to sit between my legs. She does so and I wrap my arms around her as she leans back into me. We sit there for a few minutes just listening to the waves crash against the shore.

"I love you, Olivia Benson." I say as I nuzzle her ear.

"And I love you, Elliot Stabler." She says breathily.

I cannot hold out any longer. I tenderly place kisses down her neck, to her shoulder. She moves her head to give me better access. I alternate between nipping and licking at the tender spot between her neck and shoulder. She wraps an arm around my neck, as if to hold me in place. I move forward with my kisses, till I find her pulse point. I can feel her pulse beating quickly under my lips. She releases me and turns to face me, with her legs on either side of mine. Her eyes are a dark shade of brown, almost black. She kisses me hard and I kiss her back. I tease her lip with my tongue, begging for entrance. I hear her moan as our tongues meet. I run my hands along the hem of her shirt, before sliding them under the thin material. Her skin is warm and silky smooth. I caress the skin at her waist as she kisses down my neck. She bites my earlobe and buck my hips, with my hardened member up into her reactively. She bites her lip and looks down at me through her dark lashes. She grinds against me causing both of us to lose our breath. I close my eye's and try to catch my breath.

"Liv, maybe we should take this inside." I say breathily

"You're probably right." She replies as she gets up.

I grab her and pull her into my arms as soon as I am standing, missing the contact from her body immediately. She wraps her arms around my neck and we start kissing again, without missing a beat. I lift her up and she wraps her legs around my waist. I carry her too the house and into the bedroom.

I lay her softly on the bed before I continue my kisses down her neck to her collarbone. I nip at the top of her breasts and I hear her moan as she arches her back, wanting more. I pull her shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor. I now have a full view of her perfect breasts, which are all but spilling out of the black lace bra she is wearing. I return my kisses to her lips and work to unclasp the bra. I make quick work of removing it and take a breast in each hand. I tweak her nipples, eliciting another moan. I think I might cum from that sound alone. I take a breast in my mouth and suck the nipple before releasing it with a "pop". I swirl my tongue around the erect little peak and then blow, causing her to shiver in reaction. I look up at her from between her breasts to see her head thrown back and her hands fisting the sheets. I gently make my way back up her body.

"God, you have too many clothes on." She says pulling at my shirt.

She pulls my shirt over my head and tosses it aside. She flips us over and runs her hands across my chest. She traces the outline of my muscles before peppering my chest with feather soft kisses. I instinctively buck my hips into her again as I pull her back up for smoldering kiss. She starts to slowly grind against me.

"Liv, you're gonna have to stop that or I'm not gonna last." I say grabbing her hips with my hands.

"Well then, we should get the rest of these clothes off." She says seductively, while toying with my belt.

I have only ever seen the seductress side of Olivia during interrogations. I love to see her take charge though. She pulls my belt loose tosses it to the floor. As she slides her hands to the the waistband of my jeans, to unbutton them, I can feel my dick twitch. This woman on top of me will be the death of me. She undoes my jeans and slides to the edge of the bed to pull them off. I watch as she look of amusement crosses her face when she notices I am going commando.

"I should have known that you could back up that ego." she says tracing the length of my dick

My hips instinctively buck again, but I know i can't let her touch me or it will all be over. I sit up quickly and pull her too me, by her belt loops. I grab her around the waist and throw her back onto the bed. She lets out a squeal before I capture her lips with mine. I slide my hand under the waistband of her jeans and can feel the soft lace of her panties. I move my hand between her legs to find…

"You're so wet." I say huskily

"Only for you, EL" She replies

I look up to see her eyes closed, her head thrown back once again. She is biting her lip. God, does she know how crazy that drives me. I pull her jeans and panties off. I actually have a naked Olivia Benson laying in front of me. How did I ever get this lucky. After taking her all in, I run my hands back up her long tanned legs. As I slide up next to her, I place my hand on her mound. I hear her breath hitch as I slide two fingers through her folds. I kiss and suck on her neck as I push two fingers inside of her. She grinds against my hand and I use my thumb to apply pressure to her pleasure button. She starts to whimper and feel her start to tighten around my fingers.

"El…" she screams as she comes undone

I place a kiss to the side of her head as she is trying to come down from her high. She turns to face me. She kisses me as she climbs on top of me. I can feel a trail of wetness down my abdomen as she slides down my body. I feel her take my dick in her hand, to line me up with her entrance. She braces herself, with her hands on my chest, as she sinks down over me. This action elicits a moan from the both of us. She is so tight, but we fit perfectly together. She starts to move slowly, but I can't take it. I flip us over and nestle myself between her legs. I push into her again and she wraps her legs around my waist. We finally find our rhythm.

"Faster...El." She pants

My thrust start to get more frantic and forceful, but she is meeting me thrust for thrust. She is moaning and fisting the sheets. I can tell she is close. I lean in and kiss her hard. I trail my kisses down her neck, sucking at her pulse point. I can feel her clamp down around me as she screams my name. I am right behind her. I give one final thrust before releasing deep inside of her.

"Olivia." I grunt as i fall on top of her

I have to brace myself on my arms to keep from crushing her. I lay my head in the crook of her neck as we both lay covered in sweat trying to catch our breath. After a few minutes I roll to the side, disconnecting our bodies. I kiss her plump, swollen lips before nipping at the bottom one.

"I love you, Liv." I whisper.

"I love you too, El." she replies back.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry for the long time between updates. I have had a lot going on in my life lately. I know this chapter is short but I wanted to get another update out to yall. I included some more sexy time for our favorite detectives, to make up for my hiatus. As always, thanks for your reviews, I love reading them.

Olivia's Pov:

It was the last day of our weekend away. The smell of coffee wafted into the room. I rolled over, still half asleep, when I felt the bed dip next to me.

"What time is it?" I ask groggily

"About 5:30." He replied while handing me a cup of coffee.

"Why are you up so damn early?" I sit up and take the coffee

"I wanted to catch the sunrise and hoped you would join me." He says

"I would love that, let me just throw some clothes on." I say sitting the coffee on the nightstand.

I move to the edge of the bed taking the sheet with me, as I am still naked from our late night tryst. I dig around in my suitcase for something comfortable to throw on quickly. I grab a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I also grab a sports bra that I had packed. I head to the bathroom to freshen up quickly.

I return just a couple min later, grab my coffee and head out with Elliot. The sun was just starting to peak above the horizon. It was beautiful and I was awestruck. I took a seat in one of the two beach chairs that Elliot had just set up. We sat there, taking in the sunrise and drinking our coffee. I reached over and took his hand in mine and intertwined our fingers.

"That was beautiful." I say standing up

"Not as beautiful as you." He says pulling me into his lap.

I blush and just rest my head in the crook of his neck. I have never taken compliments with ease. I never really focus on me, so I always try to avert the attention to somewhere/somebody else.

"Olivia Benson, I know you don't believe me when I tell you how beautiful you are, but you better get used to it. Now that we're together I am going to constantly comment on your beauty, inside and out." He says sweetly

"I know, It's just going to take me awhile to get used to." I say

I feel him place a tender kiss to forehead, at my hairline. We sit this way for a few more minutes, before I feel him move beneath me.

"Do I need to get up?" I ask, not really wanting to move.

"No, I was just reaching for my phone." He says, finally fishing his phone out of his pocket.

"What do you need your phone for? We're supposed to be spending time together, just the two of us." I say annoyed

"Relax, I just wanted to get a picture of us." He smartly replies

"Okay, but as long as we're the only ones to see it, cause I look a mess." I laugh

We take a picture of us snuggled together, then he decides he wants another one, just as he goes to snap the picture I lean in place a kiss to his cheek. He turns to to kiss me and causally snaps one while we are kissing.

We spend the rest of the day just relaxing on the beach. After dinner we look a walk on the beach, along the water's edge. Elliot suddenly stops and pulls me close.

"Liv, I think we should talk about what we want to do when we go back." He says uncertainty in his voice.

"What do you mean?" I ask not quite sure I understand

"Well, since we are together now and we are talking about starting a family, I think we should disclose when we get back." He says

I step away from him and cross my arms over my chest. I just stand there staring out at the water.

"Liv, we have to discuss this sometime." I hear him say as he steps closer

"I know. I am just not ready to disclose yet. Disclosing means that we can't be partners anymore and possibly one of us will have to transfer out. I am just not ready to lose that yet." I say sadly

"We may lose our partnership, Liv, but we are gaining so much more. We're going to have a life together and to me that means so much more to me than our partnership. If it comes to one of us transferring out, then we will talk about that then." He replies holding me from behind.

"Can we at least wait till you knock me up? I just want to keep you to myself a little longer." I say relaxing into him.

"Well, that's probably not going to be too long from now. So I guess I can wait a little while longer to tell the entire world that I love you, Olivia Benson." He says holding me tighter.

"And I love you." I say

It's getting late so we make our way back to the beach house to gather up our things.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

We had been home for four days now. We caught a case our first day back and worked it nonstop until last night, when we finally put away our rapist. I had to start testing for ovulation on Monday and so far each test has come up negative. Me and Elliot slept at our own places last night.

I have just peed on a stick for the fourth time this week and standing at my bathroom vanity waiting for the results to show up. I look down and see the results. I take a deep breath and toss the test in the trash. I shower and get ready to start my day.

I get to the station house only to see Elliot already there working on his paperwork. He looks up at me as I set my belongings down on my desk.

"Morning." He says

"Morning." I say back with a smile

I take a seat and start on my paperwork. I am aware that Elliot has been stealing glance at me all morning. After a couple hours of paperwork, I send Elliot a text message before heading to the locker room.

"Liv.." he says as he walks into the locker room.

I lock the door and push him up against the wall. I kiss him forcefully as I tug at his belt. He grabs my hands swaps our positions. He now has me pinned against the wall.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asks with a smirk.

"I am ovulating today." I say kissing him.

"We shouldn't be doing this here." He says trying to keep composure.

"We will just have to be quiet." I say finally getting his belt undone

"I don't think that's possible for you." He laughs

"Shhh…" I say pressing my finger to his lips.

He takes my finger between his lips and begins to suck on it. I remove my finger and kiss him passionately as I slip my hand inside his pants. I give his semi-hardened member a few pumps, which causes him to moan into my mouth. He makes quick work of my pants and panties. He runs two fingers through my folds to make sure I am ready. He grazes my clit as he pulls his fingers away. The sensation causes me to gasp and throw my head back against the wall. I watch through hooded eyes as he sucks my juices from his fingers.

"No time for that." I say breathily

Before I know what's happening, he grabs me and bends me over the nearest bunk. He grabs me by the hips and forces a leg between mine, causing me to spread my legs wider.

"You ready for his." I hear his husky voice

"Always." I say feeling him grasp my hips tighter.

He thrusts into me hard. I have bury my face in the bed to keep from screaming. He pulls out and slams back into me again. I am pretty sure I am going to have bruises tomorrow, but I don't care. I let him set the pace and before long I can hear his soft grunts, as he is getting close.

"So close." I whimper as I fist the sheets.

"Let go, Liv." I hear him whisper as he applies some pressure to my clit.

That was all it took to push me over the edge. I screamed into the bed as I convulsed around him, feeling him spill his seed deep inside of me. I feel him collapse against my back. We lay like that for a few moments, coming down from our highs.

"El...I need to get cleaned up. The others are going to wonder what's taking us so long." I say trying to push him off of me.

He disconnects himself from me and I make my way to the shower room to get cleaned up.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Again, this chapter was hard for me to write because of how closely I relate to the contents. Not everything is always happy go lucky, so I hope you guys don't hate me for this chapter. As always please leave me a review and let me know what you think.

Two weeks later finds me standing at my bathroom sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror, trying to prepare myself for what the results will be. Elliot is just on the other side of the bathroom door. I wanted him close by but I also wanted to see the results for myself first. The timer on my watch goes off indicating that the results should be ready. I take a deep breath and exhale before looking down. I take the test in my trembling hands, only to find a big, fat negative sign staring back at me. I throw it in the trash, not being able to stand the sight of it anymore.

I grip the sides of the sink with a death grip and stare at my reflection once again. Tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. I can see anger and frustration flash across my face. Before I can stop myself, I swing my arm across the sink, knocking everything on it to the floor. Somewhere in the background I hear the door being slammed open. As I start to fall to the floor I feel a set of strong arms envelope me.

I feel him pull me into his lap, as he is leans against the tub. He holds me close as I bury my face in the crook of his neck. His fingers tangle in my hair and he places a tender kiss to my forehead. He rubs my back soothingly as he gently rocks us. He is trying to calm me, but I can't seem to shut off the tears.

"Shhh...it's going to be okay." He whispers soothingly.

After what seems like forever I finally reign in my emotions enough to breathe. I notice Elliot's dress shirt all rumpled and tear stained.

"I'm sorry." I whisper looking up at him, my lip starting to quiver again.

"Livvie, you don't have to be sorry for anything. You don't always have to be strong. I will always be here to catch you when you fall." He says wiping away some stray tears.

"And I love you for that. I just thought...that since you never seemed to have any problems before, that it would be easy to get pregnant." I look away ashamed

"Babe, just cause it's easy for one person doesn't mean it's easy for everyone. We will keep trying till it happens, that I can promise you." He says brushing the hair out of my face, so he can look me in the eyes.

I have no words to describe my feelings at this moment. I lean up and touch my lips to his in a tender but passionate kiss. I pull away and he makes a groaning noise as he tries to stretch his legs out.

"Do you mind if we get out of the floor?" He asks

"I guess we can." I say after yawning

"Someone needs to go back to bed." He says as we both get up.

"El, I just need some coffee and I will be fine." I say as I head for the kitchen

"You're in no shape to be working today. I will tell the captain that your taking a personal day and then I want you back in bed." He states stopping me

I am in no mood to argue with him after my outburst and I do feel emotionally drained.

"I will go back to bed if you will do one thing for me." I tease

"And what might that be?" He asks pulling back the blankets

"Lay with me, just until I fall asleep." I say getting into bed.

He pulls the covers over me and lays on top of the covers beside me. I snuggle into him as he wraps one arm around my waist.

"I love you, Livvie, and I promise somehow I will give you a child." I hear him say as I drift off to sleep.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

I awoke a couple hours later feeling like I had rocks in my head. Probably from all the crying I had done earlier. I decided a nice, hot bubble bath was just what I needed. As I walked into the bathroom I stop and smile. I have noticed that Elliot took the time to clean up the mess I had made earlier. I run the bath water and pour some lavender bubble bath in. I light some candles around the tub and return to my room for my phone.

As I sink down into the hot water, I can feel my muscles start to relax. I lay there for a few minutes just breathing in the scent of the lavender. I hear my phone vibrate and I reach to the floor to pick it up. It is a text from Elliot.

*Hey Beautiful, just wanted to check in on you, but didn't want to wake you if you're still sleeping.*

*Soaking in a hot bubble bath. Wish you could join me. 😘😘* I reply trying to sound seductive.

*Wish I could too, unfortunately I have a ton of paperwork to finish.* Came his reply

I decide to tease him a little more. I pose myself seductively with my head laid back against the tub and my left hand using my sponge to spread soap across my chest. I send the pic to him.

*God, Liv…* is all he says.

I can imagine his flustered reaction. I can see the flush creeping up his neck to his face. I laugh to myself, knowing how his body reacts to mine. I have no room to talk tough, cause just the thought of him stirs something low in my belly.

*See you when you get home. Love U* I say

*Love u too, babe* he replies

I soak in the tub for a little while longer, till the water becomes cold. I throw on a pair of gym shorts and tank top. I turn on the tv for some background noise as I prepare myself some lunch. Some mindless daytime drama is on. For some reason, all I catch from it is that someone is announcing a pregnancy. I feel tears prickling my eyes as I immediately turn the tv off. Why did that have to be on today of all days?

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head. Why did I think I could do this? Why would I ever think I could be a good mother? God, just doesn't want me to be happy. The one thing I want more than anything and I can't have it. I know it was only the first time I have tried to get pregnant but I have wanted a baby for so long and now that my dream of becoming a mother is within reach I still can't help but think that the gods are working against me. I see all these women having babies that don't want them, yet I can't have the one thing I covet most. Why is that? It's just so unfair.

I suddenly look around at my surroundings and notice that I am sitting in my kitchen floor sobbing once again. I am leaned against the cabinets. I breathe deep trying to gain control over my emotions. I was so lost in my thoughts and emotions that I don't remember sinking to the floor. I slowly stand up and make my way to the kitchen sink. I splash some water on my face and take a couple more deep breaths.

After finally getting my emotions under control, I finish making my sandwich for lunch. After lunch I decide to curl up on the couch with a book.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Around 6 o'clock I hear the key in the door and look up to see Elliot walk in. He is carrying a bouquet of white roses, which he knows is my favorite, and a small gift bag. I greet him, in the kitchen, with a kiss.

"Thank you. They're beautiful." I say taking the flowers from him.

"I knew you had a rough day so I just wanted to do something nice for you." He says toeing off his shoes and loosening his tie.

"What's in the bag?" I ask curiously as I set the flowers on the counter.

"Come sit with me." He says taking my hand and leading me to the couch.

He sits on the couch and pulls me into his lap. Once we are comfortable he places the gift bag in my lap. I pull out some tissue paper and throw it beside us. What I pull out next makes my eyes mist over and my breath catch in my throat. In my hands I am holding a beautiful, silky, brown teddy bear. I look from the bear to Elliot.

"I know it's kind of premature but I wanted to buy you something to show you how much faith I have that we will soon be welcoming a healthy baby into our life. I want this bear to remind you of all we have to look forward too." He says sweetly.

"Oh...El. I love it so much. I don't know what I ever did to deserve you, but I love you." I say leaning my head against his shoulder.

He wraps his arms around me, squishing the teddy bear between us. He leans down and tenderly touches his lips to mine. It's a long, slow, gentle kiss. He pulls away, then places a kiss to the tip of my nose. I feel his lips touch my forehead in a kiss that seems to last forever. He finally pulls back and rests his chin on my head, while I bury my face in his neck.

"Olivia Margaret Benson, I love you with every fiber of my being and I can't wait to make you the mother of my child." He says into my hair.

My heart is so full of love for this man that I feel like it could burst at any given moment. I have no words to express how I am feeling, so I just sit silently and savor the moment.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I want to apologize again for it taking so long between chapters. My life has been so hectic lately. Anyways here is some more smut as an apology. I know this story is moving slow right now, but I promise if you stick with me it is about to pick up.

Six months later and we have still not conceived. After the negative test result last month we decided to go back to see my original fertility doctor. She ran some tests on both of us and to our surprise nothing everything came back normal. She didn't think we needed to go straight to in-vitro just yet, so she gave us some information on hormone injections and told us to let her know what we decided on.

After discussing our options for a couple of weeks, we finally decided to go ahead with the hormone injections. I have to take the injections on days three through 10 of my cycle. I have never been great with needles and I don't have time to make a trip to the doctor every day, so I have decided to ask Melinda for help.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

I walk through the morgue towards Melinda's office. Melinda has been one of my best friends since she first joined us at SVU, as our medical examiner. She has always been there for me when I need a confidant other than Elliot. Other than Casey and Alex, she has been the only other female in my life since my mother died.

"Hey, Liv!" Melinda greets me enthusiastically.

"Hi Mel." I say walking into her office.

"What can I do for you this morning? Are you here about a case?" She questions

"No, I am not here about a case. I am here on personal business." I say closing the door to her office.

"Oh. What's going on, Olivia? Is everything ok with you and Elliot?" She picks up on my nervousness.

"Oh no, everything is great with me and El. I do need you help with something though." I say taking a seat across from her, at her desk.

"Anything, you name it and I will do whatever I can to help." Melinda states, placing her hand over mine on her desk.

"Well, I need you to give me some injections for the next week." I say cautiously.

I notice the confused look on her face, so I continue.

"I am not sick or anything. Me and El have been trying to get pregnant for the past six months. We haven't had any luck so we decided to try hormone injections. I need your help because I am not any good with needles." I say pulling the pre-filled injection out of my purse.

"Of course I will help you with that. I am so excited for you guys. I know you will make cute babies." Melinda says excitedly; coming around the desk

"Thank you, Mel. I knew I could count on you." I say pulling her into a hug.

We chatted for a few minutes longer, as Melinda gave me the injection. Afterwards, I thanked her again and headed upstairs to start the day.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

I have just gotten out of a relaxing bath. After the stressful week we had with back to back cases, I was definitely ready for a nice, hot, relaxing bath. I walk out of the bathroom wearing my fluffy white robe. Elliot is stretched out on the bed scrolling through his phone. Still wearing my robe, I pull on a pair of black, silk, bikini panties. I casually drop my robe onto the bed, standing in just my panties. I reach for one of Elliot's t-shirts I had picked out to wear to bed.

"Stop." Elliot commands as I am pulling the shirt over my head.

"What is it?" I question, as the shirt falls to just below my ass.

I watch as Elliot scoots the edge of the bed. He grabs me around the waist and pulls me in between his legs. I can feel the heat from his hands burning through the t-shirt. He grabs the hem of the shirt and gently pulls it up to just above my navel.

"Liv, where did you get these?" He asks while gently running his fingers across my lower abdomen.

I look down to see that he has noticed the bruises I have.

"Those are from the hormone injections, El. It's really no big deal. They don't even hurt." I say nonchalantly.

"I am sorry." I hear him say before feeling his lips gently graze over the bruised skin.

"El…" I moan as he leaves a wet trail of kisses across my stomach.

"Hmmm…" He hums against my skin.

I feel his hands skim the waistband of my panties. I can also feel the wetness pooling between my legs already. He hooks his fingers into the waistband and yanks them down. I let out a yelp of surprise, as my panties hit the floor.

"God, baby, you're so wet." He says running two fingers through my folds.

I look down at him as he sucks my juices from his fingers. It has to be the most erotic thing I have ever saw. I can feel my legs start to buckle at just the thought of what was coming next.

He stands up, pulls me into a soul crushing kiss and then pushes me back onto the bed. I watch as he climbs on top of me. He leans down and kisses me, nipping at my bottom lip. I moan and run my fingers through his short cropped hair, as I feel his tongue against mine. He pulls back and yanks my shirt over my head.

I gasp as I feel his mouth latch onto one of my nipples. He flicks the hard bud with his tongue, making me shiver and break out in goosebumps from head to toe. He shows the other one the same attention before making his way down my abdomen. He places featherlight kisses to the insides of my thighs. He knows what I want but he loves to tease me. I grab his head trying to guide him to where I want him. He chuckles and the vibrations alone almost make me come undone.

I throw my head back as I finally feel his warm, wet tongue slide through my folds. I instantly buck my hips up at the feel of him against my core. He flicks his tongue against my clit before sucking on it gently. I clamp my thighs around his head to hold him in place. He pushes a finger into my throbbing core. I clench my eyes closed as I try to hold on.

"Cum for me, Liv." He commands as he adds another finger.

He thrusts hard into me, while still alternating between flicking and sucking my clit. He curves his fingers to hit me in just the right spot.

"God...Shit...Fuuuccckkk, El!" I scream as a powerful orgasam rips through my body.

He is licking up all my juices as I come down from my high. I am still shaking from my orgasam as he crawls back up over me. He kisses me deeply and I can taste myself on his lips. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me. I can feel his rock hard member pressed against my hip. I use my feet to push his boxer briefs down and release his erection.

"El, baby, I need you now." I beg as he kisses my neck.

"What do you need, Liv?" He teases

"This!" I say reaching between us and grasping his erection.

I hear him gasp as I run my hand the length of him. I guide him to my center and run the tip of him through my folds. He pushes his tip inside of me and I moan at the sensation. It's always like the first time with us. He fills me like no man ever has before. It's always a painful pleasure when he first enters me. I feel him push past the initial resistance as he takes it slow. He lifts my leg higher on his hip as he buries himself inside of me.

"Mmmm...You feel so good." He says breathily as he pulls out and pushes back in.

He sets a steady, powerful rhythm. I meet him thrust for thrust. He is sucking on my neck. I know he is going to leave a mark but I don't care. I rake my fingernails up his back as he speeds up his pace.

"God, yes, right there!" I scream arching my back of the bed.

The only reply I get is a grunt. He captures my lips in a searing kiss. He reaches between us and swipes his thumb over my clit while he pounds into me. I can't hold on any longer and I know he is right behind me. Our moans are captured by each other's mouths as we climax together. He finally breaks the kiss and rests his head on my shoulder as we regain our composure.

He places a kiss to my shoulder before rolling off of me to my side. He pulls me closer and I snuggle into him. He pulls the covers up over us.

"That was AMAZING!" I say once I can finally speak again.

"Well that was just the beginning. After All we are going to make a baby in the next couple of days." He laughs and then places a kiss to the crown of my head.

We drift off to sleep in a peaceful, post coital slumber.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

The next couple of days we fucked like bunnies, anywhere from the shower to the cribs and even the rooftop of the station. I have a feeling, call it a mother's intuition, that this will be the time.

A/N: Will they finally conceive? Please review and let me know what you think.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Once again I am sorry for such a long delay. Life has been really hectic the last couple of months, with the death of my grandma, changing jobs after seven years and starting college again. I finally got some time to get this new chapter out. Hope you like it. Let me know what you think.**

Two weeks later: Elliot's POV:

As I stand in the bathroom doorway, waiting for the timer to go off, I look over at Olivia sitting indian style at the foot of the bed. She asked me to look at the test first, incase it was negative. She is holding the teddy bear I gave her months ago. Her head is hung, almost like she is praying. I hear the ding of the timer, she doesn't look up. She grips the bear tighter.

I walk slowly over to the sink. I am trying to be strong for Olivia. I know she needs me so much right now. I never imagined this would be as hard as it has. My heart will break, not only for Olivia, but for myself. I didn't realize just how much I wanted this until I started this journey with her. I take a slow deep breath, looking at myself in the mirror before looking down at the test.

As I look at the test, I feel the tears well up in my eyes. I toss the test into the trash as I blink back the tears before leaving the bathroom to return to the bedroom.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

A week and a half later:

We find ourselves sitting in the waiting room at the fertility clinic. Out of the corner of my eye I notice Olivia's leg bouncing nervously. I gently place my hand on her knee and apply a little pressure. She looks at me and gives me a nervous smile as she places her hand on top of mine. I bring her hand to my lips and gently kiss it.

"Everything is going to be fine." I whisper to her.

"Ms. Benson." A nurse calls; interrupting us.

We follow the nurse down a hallway and into the lab.

"Take a seat here, Ms. Benson, and the lab tech will be right with you." The nurse says placing my chart on the table next to me.

"Sorry about your wait. It has been crazy around here today." The lab tech states as she finally appears ten minuets later.

She takes my weight and blood pressure, making notes in my chart as she goes along.

"Blood Pressure is normal, that's good." She says finishing her notes.

"Thank goodness. With all the anxiety I am feeling today, I thought it would be sky high." Olivia gives a slight chuckle.

"All that's left is a little blood work." states the lab tech as she pulls out the equipment she will need.

I take Olivia's hand, knowing her fear of needles. I hold her focus with an intense gaze as I feel her squeeze my hand. When the lab tech is done I release her hand. I bend down and kiss her forehead.

"You did great, baby." I whisper with my forehead against hers.

"Okay, You're good to go. We should have your blood work back in about seventy-two hours. Your doctor will call you with the results." The lab tech says with a smile.

We leave the clinic and head to work. Hoping that work will take our mind off of things for the next three days.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Seventy-Two hours later:

Its two o'clock in the afternoon and we had just got home from closing a grusome case. We went back and forth interrogating the perp for twelve straight hours before he finally confessed. All we wanted was showers, food and sleep. I made my way to the kitchen to scrounge up some lunch while Olivia made a beeline for the shower.

"El!...Elliot!" I hear Olivia yell as she comes running from the bathroom in nothing but a towel.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask worriedly meeting her outside the kitchen.

"Nothing's wrong. The doctor is on the phone. I didn't want her to tell anything without you with me." She says holding the phone against her chest.

"Okay..Okay. Let's have a seat on the couch." I say nervously as I guide her over to the couch.

I sit on the couch and pull her into my lap. She puts the phone on speaker and holds it so we both can hear.

"Go ahead, Doctor Taylor, we're ready now." Olivia says.

"Well, as I was saying, we got your blood work back earlier today and I just wanted to call and personally give you the result." Dr. Taylor says her voice steady, not wanting to give anything away.

There is a moment of silence and I start to fear the worst. I notice Olivia shaking. I am sure it's nerves and fear both. I wrap my arms around her tighter and pull her as close as possible, trying to comfort her. I feel her lay her head against my shoulder.

"Congratulations! Olivia, you're pregnant!" Dr. Taylor says excitedly.

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. I feel Olivia's hot tears against my neck. I start to tear up myself.

"Thank You, Dr. Taylor. I will have Olivia call you back to schedule her first appointment." I say as I take the phone from Olivia.

After disconnecting the phone, I lay it on the couch next to us. I lean back some, so that I can see Liv's face. I brush her hair back off of her face.

"Liv, baby, why are you crying? Did you hear what the doctor said?" I ask trying to read the look in her eyes.

"I did, El. I'm not quite sure why I am crying. I am just so happy right now. I just felt like we would never get to this point." She says swiping at her eyes.

"I had faith. I knew we would get here somehow. I love you so much, Liv." I say excitedly.

"Yeah, you had enough faith for the both of us." She teases

"But, seriously. Thank you." She says before giving me a mind blowing kiss.

"What are you thanking me for?" I ask curiously as I pull back.

"For being my best friend, for always being there, for loving me and for helping me create this new life. El, I love you and this child more than anything or anyone else in my life." She says placing my hand against her towel clad stomach.

"Liv, you don't ever have to thank me for any of that. This is something I have wanted for a while. I am just thankful you gave me the opportunity to show you." I say leaning in to kiss her again.

"There is something else we need to discuss though." Olivia says between moans as I kiss down her neck.

"We can talk later. Right now I just want to love you." I say kissing across her collerbone and up the other side of her neck.

A/N: What do they need to talk about now? Let me know by leaving a review on here or you can find me on Twitter: svugal89.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Once again, I am sorry for the long wait. My life has just been super crazy for the last six months. Finally had some down time to finish this chapter up. It's probably not my best work but I hope you guys enjoy.

Later that night: Olivia's POV

After our love session on the couch, we finally got showers and ate. We have finally made it to bed. I am laying with my head against Elliot's chest. His arms are around me and our legs are tangled together. I am tired but I can't seem to sleep. I think it's just all the excitement swirling in me. There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head, but there is one that we do need to address.

"El?" I ask softly to see if he is still awake.

"Hmmm…" Comes his reply.

"Can you help me with something?" I ask tracing my finger over his abs.

"I will help you with anything, baby. Just name it." He says sweetly.

"Will you help me find a another place?" I say tilting my head up to look at him.

"I kinda like it here though." He says with a smirk.

I playfully slap his chest and laugh.

"I like it here too, but we do have a child on the way and if you're going to move in with us, then I figure that we will need a bigger place." I say nervously.

We haven't really talked about moving in together officially. Elliot has just been spending the night here since we started this journey. I want him to move in with me and our child because I want him to be a part of everything in our child's life.

"Are you, Olivia Benson, asking me to give up my bachelor pad to move in with you?" He asks in awe.

"Yeah, I guess I am." I say as I lay my head back against his chest.

I can tell by the sound of his voice that he is shocked that I asked him. He knows me well enough to know that I don't usually jump into things. This is a big step for me. I tend to be an over-thinker and a bit on the cautious side when it comes to relationships. That all changed with Elliot though, things with him just come easy, no... naturally describes it better.

"Well, we have come this far on the journey. So no turning back right. It is the next logical step." I say

"Even if we could change things, Liv, I wouldn't. I am happy here with you, with a child of our own on the way. I am so excited about this baby. We will find the perfect place for our family." I hear him say before he pulls my face back to his and kisses me.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

The next morning I awaken to the smell of pancakes, bacon and coffee. My stomach growls and I get out of bed to head into the kitchen. Elliot is still facing the stove so I sneak up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. I rest my chin on his shoulder.

"Morning." I say before kissing the side of his neck.

"Liv…" He moans softly, before flipping the last pancake

"You know I don't usually eat breakfast and I can't drink coffee." I say taking a seat at the bar.

"I know you don't but, now that you have another life growing inside of you, you need to start eating better. As for the coffee, it's for me. Orange juice for you." he says placing a glass of orange juice in front of me.

I don't argue because I know he is right. Due to our hectic schedules I usually only eat one major meal a day. I watch as he plates up our breakfast then joins me at the bar. I sip my juice then take a bite of the pancakes.

"Mmmm. These are delicious." I say through a mouth full of pancake.

"Only the best for my girls." He says placing an open palm on my stomach.

"El, you know it's way too early to tell." I chuckle as I place a hand over his.

"I just know these things, Liv." He laughs before going back to eating.

He watches me as I continue to dig into my food, with a new found hunger.

"If you continue to feed me like this, it won't be long and I will be as big as a whale." I say pushing my now empty plate away.

"I can't wait to see you swollen with my child. You will be so beautiful." He says staring at me as if he was picturing it.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot's POV:

It's a slow day and Munch and Fin are out on a call. I watch her from across our joined desk. She is chewing on a pen between writing somethings down. She is so engrossed in what she is doing that she doesn't hear me calling her name.

"Liv, earth to Liv." I say a bit louder.

"Hmmm?" She finally looks up at me.

"What's got all your attention over there?" I ask leaning back in my chair.

"Oh nothing, just jotting down a few things I would like in a new place." She says handing me the paper.

"Let's see what we have here. 1. Needs to be in Manhattan." I read from the list.

"I don't want to leave the city. I want to still be close to everything." She says matter of factly.

"2. Four bedrooms. Why do we need four bedrooms?" I ask moving on to the next item.

"Well, at some point your other kids will probably want to come over. The extra two rooms can be used for Dickie and the girls." She states

"And I thought I couldn't love you anymore, Liv." I say getting up and walking over to her.

I lean over and kiss her passionately trying to convey all my feelings to her. Just as she wraps her arms around my neck I hear the captains door open. I jump back, hoping we didn't just get caught.

"Stabler, my office now." Cragen demands.

Me and Liv glance at each other silently trying to figure out what I have done. I walk into the captain's office and take a seat in one of the chairs across from his desk.

"What did I do?" I ask curiously.

"You didn't do anything. I just wanted to ask if you know what's been going on with Olivia lately?" He replies

"I am not sure what you mean. She is fine as far as I know." I try not to give anything away.

"Elliot, I know she is your partner. You guys are incredibly close and she is like a daughter to me. I can tell that something has been going on with her." He says as he sits on the side of his desk.

"Captain, with all do respect, I can't tell you everything. Some of it is for Liv to tell you. I will however tell you that we are in a relationship and that I love her very much." I say looking at the ground afraid of what he would say.

"What am I supposed to to with this new information, Elliot? You know it's against policy to be romantically involved with your partner. I knew this was bound to happen though." He sighs dejectedly.

"Sir, we can make this work. I promise we can keep it out of the office. When we're here, we're just partners. Please give us a chance to show you." I practically beg.

"Let me think on it, but for now let's get Olivia in here to finish telling me what's going on with her." He walks towards the door.

A few minutes later finds Olivia sitting in the other chair next to me. Cragen is perched on the corner of his desk.

"First of all congratulations on the new relationship." Cragen states

Olivia looks at me first with shock then with anger. I know this wasn't how she wanted him to find out but I also couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Liv, I am sorry. He knew something was going on so I had to tell him." I apologize

"Seems that there is more to the story, but he wouldn't give up anymore information." He interrupts

"What would you like to know?" Olivia asks angrily

"Now, Olivia, you know I care for you. I have noticed that something is up with you lately and I just want to make sure you're okay." he says solemnly.

"Okay, so for the last year I have been trying to have a baby." she finally gives in. "We just found out yesterday that I am pregnant." she says before cragen can interrupt.

"So, you're in a relationship with Stabler and you're pregnant? Wait! Did you just say we as in you and Elliot are having a baby?" cragen questions trying to take it all in.

We look at each other then back at Cragen.

"Yes" we both say in unison.

AN: Please let me know what you think.


End file.
